Wednesday, June 2, 2010

The hair cut

It seemed essential that today I would get the perfect haircut to start my new life. The gal tenderly massaged my head and thoughtfully washed my hair. I let myself totally relax and sat peacefully. She said I looked good for my age. She couldn't believe that I have three crumbcakes. I will be thirty seven this summer. I'm at peace with thirty seven. She asked me if I had God in my life. Yes, I go to church. She thought that would be the best place to heal myself and the crumbcakes. You know, cause you can't help but tell the beautician everything.

This morning I had a half hour between dropping the cakes off at school and the hair cut appointment. I went to starbucks and got a coffee. In the case they were out of low-fat blueberry cake. They did have the low fat cinnamon swirl cake. I asked for a piece. I only get sweets on a special occasion... a handful of times throughout any given year. Today was special wasn't it? I sat in an over-sized, grey, velvet chair--the kind that eats you up and sinks you in--like a hug from Grandma as a child. I read Perec... learning about a double murder at Chaumont-Porcien. Almost as fascinating as the bathtub scene pages before. I overhead one man say to another, "It's time to do what's right in God's eyes." He was a bald, tattooed-flip-flop-wearing man. Older than me by fifteen years. I was shocked to hear him say it so I wrote it down on the inside cover of, "Life a User's Manual." The two men watched me leave the coffee shop. I was wearing my favorite denim, red platforms and a white blouse that had more ruffles than I usually allow. I was also wearing a purple bra that you could see, through the cotton blouse. A simple, meaningless gesture of--"I don't really care right now." And I would venture to say, that most people won't notice or care either. My tiny acts of rebellion are quaint. Yet, they are my own.

After the hair cut... I walked to my car. Ten minutes left on the meter. I ate the low fat cinnamon swirl cake--licking each one of my fingers slowly and methodically. My new life just began.

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